2015

This year I became a parent. I am a mother of three incredible children. 

This year I became single. My heart was shattered beyond repair. Or so I thought. 

This year I went into hiding. The move has created "my mother" to have yet another psychotic break. Yay!!! 

This year I put myself before my job. Social work has been put on the back burning and family is out front. 

This year, I have fallen in love. Still hard to admit and even harder to mutter. But it's true.

This year, I have learned to say sorry and move forward. Enough said. 

This year, I have made the decision to stop the pain and cut ties. 

This has been an amazing year for me. I have grown more as a person I thought was possible. My blessings have out weighed every single challenge in my life. I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for me. 

-K

Visit Hearing and Move Day

The visit hearing was a nightmare. I testified for 45 minutes. Moms attorney argued I am not qualified to be assessing if a child has behaviors after a visit. 1) I'm a parent 2) I was a child and family therapist specializing in DCS children 3) I taught child focused social service courses. I think I got this dumb ass. One question that circles my brain. "Why didn't you request therapy for her?" Well, hmmmm.... Considering she only knew two or three words when this all began might be your first clue... What an idiot. He said he didn't know if the hearing even though it was set 3 months ago. The judge wants to come back in January to give him more time. Bs.... 

We are officially moved into our new place. Holy cow, I could sleep for a week. The only boxes left are holding my books. I need to go pick up a few bookshelves. The girls love it here. I can hear their giggles from upstairs. They should be sleeping. Chunk is up in her knees almost crawling. With carpet, she'll take off. My neighbors are great. We're right up against a river. In Arizona, we don't typically have water in our rivers. And also right around the corner from a park. There's a really nice running path behind my house as well. This was a good move in many ways for us. I need to pull out some plants that are toxic but other than that, we're doing great here. I'm very thankful I had help unloading the uhaul even though the people that helped stressed me out. My uhaul went missing for 4 hours full of the girls belongings. Turns out the football game was on... This did not make me happy. I had a short window of time to get moved and somewhat functional before the sisters got back from visit. That didn't happen due to the football game. Boys... 

Happy holidays!!!

-K

Initial Severance Hearing

⬆️ yup. That's where i am in life. I have been here many times before. I hope to never return. 

Today was the day! Court day! I hoped and prayed bio mom would do the right thing and relinquish but I knew she wouldn't. Off to trial we go mid February. So maybe our trip to Montana and Colorado to meet the boys parents will be a celebration as well. One can hope. She was a mess. Bio. Higher than a kite. Literally skipping and running the long hall in the court house. WTF.... 

Today was a tough day. A very very busy day at work. I called my supervisor around 130 and frequently after that for assistance with a crazy admission. She called me back at 530 as I rushed across town for this same family in crisis. She said she would be right there. I had to leave at 545 to get back to the daycare by 630. For some reason crisis calls are always on the other side of town. She text at 555 saying she was 20 minutes away. I was not on call. In fact, she was. She would not answer the on call phone so k was next in line. I will not let a family suffer. I had literally walked into the daycare to get the girls when I got the call. My heart hurt but I knew I needed to go to this family. Literally a life or death situation. I work hospice. I was 2 hours late picking up the girls by my standards and 4 minutes by their standards. This will be the last time my job ever comes before my girls. 

I expressed my frustration to my boss. She had an attitude with me. We will be reviewing my contract that has it written in about parenting time and my children coming before my job. A coworker who is social work part time called and asked if it was a slow day around 4. She said she had seen my boss at the movies. Not. A. Happy. Camper.... 

Such is life folks. We have a visit hearing Tuesday to suspend visits. I'm praying it goes through. Bug came home colored in hearts Tuesday after visit. She has sensitive skin to begin with but freaks out when things cannot be washed off. This wasn't washable marker... Good times. 

-K

Holy stress balls!!!!

This has by far been the hardest parenting day I have ever experienced. And keep in mind the baby came to me on drugs. 

When I picked up the girls from pre-k and daycare, sissy was having a fit. It continued in the truck, on the way home, and carried on at home. I sat her down and talked to her which typically works. Nope. Screamed in my face. She got put in a sit down till you calm down time out. 30 minutes later she was starting to quiet down so I went to try to talk to her. She slapped me across the face. I sent her to her room for a real time out. She continued to trash the room and scream. I eventually sent her to bed. I put her to bed over 100 times. I'm exhausted. She had no nap today and no nap affects her but this was bad. 

Somewhere in the midst of putting her back to bed, Bug ate dinner and Chunk fell asleep eating in her highchair. Mom.of.the.year..... Seriously. Tonight was so hard. 

On top of sissy coming out of her shell, I have my midterm paperwork for my license, we're moving in one week (yup, you heard me and I have yet to find help), work is insane, and I have two holiday parties, Christmas pictures, have to buy new furniture, win the lottery, go Christmas shopping, take Christmas pictures and send out Christmas cards and so so much more little things in between. My life is insane right now. 

Oh!!! And court is Friday and I was just told today that I will have to testify. Agh!!!!! 

We will survive and we will come out on top smiling. 

-K 

Amazing things can happen

My nephew has major surgery tomorrow. He has achondroplasia and they are going to be placing rods in his back. He will spend multiple weeks in the hospital and will not be able to be back at school until January. He typically struggles with surgery. They have challenges intabating and extabating him. He's typically on a ventilator for a longer period of time than a typical child. He's scared, my family is scared, his mom is horrified. Please keep C in your prayers. This kid needs a break... 

I recently packed a box of goodies for him to open in the hospital. To hopefully make it a touch better. One thing this kiddo has taught me is that amazing things can happen. He tells my sister that all the time. So as I strolled through toys r us the other day, tears filled my eyes as I heard his little voice saying amazing things can happen. I watched people picking out toys for Christmas and birthdays and couldn't help but watch their choices. Maybe the cheapest or most expensive. Maybe the top of the line or something that was requested. I was searching for something he could use while hooked to traction. Something that he wouldn't have to sit up to play with. Something that wouldn't require too much skill or dexterity. It hit me as I packed his box. This could be the last hospital care package I send. I wish I was a better aunt to him. He deserves so much more. 

Please pray for my amazing nephew. 

K 

The girlies

I don't typically put Chunk to sleep like this. Once a week I will rock her to sleep. The feeling you get from this is incredible. I love love love rocking her to sleep. She's catching up but we're still delayed with speech and some developmental stuff. We'll get there though. 

Sissy has officially ended her honeymoon period. She hits a lot. She's been by a lot so it's her learned behavior when she gets angry. She has a really hard time with time out and recovering from being angry or sad. It takes her a good hour to recover. As of right now, she's refusing to go on visit tomorrow. I'm hoping a good nights sleep will change her attitude a little bit. Or give me some energy to battle this again tomorrow. 

Bug is absolutely loving having Sissy in the house. She adores her. I have to remind her to give her some space. They have had a few typical siblings disagreements but they get over it quickly. Unless Sissy has timeout. See above. We have court for Bug on Friday. It's the initial severance hearing. This will give bio mom the chance to relinquish her rights. I know she won't. So, we being the long trudge through mud. The hearing to cancel visits will be in two weeks. 

And then there's this guy.... How in the world did I get so lucky with him. He is truly phenomenal and knows me like the back of his hand already. We had a coffee date before the FRCB the other day and he brought his son. So the introducing the kids begins. His son isn't even two yet, so we're starting slow. 😁 

More soon, I'm sure. 

-K