So so so much

Bug 

The last visit hearing resulted in the judge taking under advisement. Which means she has 60 days to make a decision wether or not visits will be cancelled. Please keep in mind next Tuesday begins the severance hearing. And last week, bug was sick on the couch because the visit aide allowed bio m to feed her whatever she brought from home. We started therapy today. Total joke. The therapist is brand new and has no idea how to address the sexualized behaviors. We should be going to a speciality provider but who I am to know this. I do like her. She's sweet and Bug likes her but I'm just being realistic. She's living with a therapist. We need specialty treatment... Bug is doing great. Greater than great. Tuesday's continue to be a struggle but overall, she is doing phenomenal. 

Sissy and Chunk 

We have an interim DCS case manager. I'm really hoping we can keep her. I really like her and she's on top of her stuff but she told me she's temporary. We had a very good meeting a few days ago. Bio m is doing so good!!! I am so proud of her. And to be honest, my heart doesn't even hurt thinking about losing the girls. I'm more excited to be a part of this moms reunification with her girls. I will cry buckets of tears. Especially over loosing Chunk, but not one professional believed in this mom. I did. And I supported her and encouraged her and look at her!!! 6 months of sobriety after 21+ years of substance use. I couldn't be prouder of her!!! So the transition has begun. First, increased visits. I'm excited to see the girls spend more time with her. I'm Chunks attachment figure so it's going to be hard for her. But mom can attach and will attach to her. Sissy will take time. She doesn't trust. It takes time to really understand her and she's been removed 5 times. She's going to need some time to rebuild with her new and improved mom. 

That's the update so far. I'm sure I will have a total meltdown Tuesday morning. For now, one day at a time and I'm giving it to god. 

-K

Is it Monday???

I am a total grump today. I mean grumpy as they come. One of my old neighbors called this morning to inform me of stuff about my old place. How many times do I have to tell her I really don't care and don't want to know. She called 6 times in a row. All 3 kids were melting down, the dogs had socks, and I was trying to get out the door. So you can imagine after the 6th call, I answered a little annoyed. 

The past few nights, I've been having vivid nightmares. Things had gotten better after the move but my brain has been in overdrive with the hearings coming up. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. As mj as I adore my boyfriend, think the world of him, and cherish our time, he doesn't get this part of my world. I haven't taken the time to fully explain it and he hasn't taken the time to understand it. 

Chunk and Sissy are doing great. Chunk is crawling and pulling herself up to her knees. I love it!!! Their mom is doing even better. I'm so excited to see this happening. My heart will hurt when I lose the girls but I'm so thankful I'm able to be part of their mom doing well. 

Life continues to be a challenge with my mother. People continue to ask questions and I continue to shut people out. I often wonder how long before she just gives up and leaves me alone. I'm her main target right now. Maybe this is the cause of the nightmares increasing. 

Things are going with J. Again, I'm trying to be patient just as he's patient with me. Times like right now, I'd love to just say f it and get the heck out of town. It looks like it will be another 6-8 months before the adoption process will be final if severance happens. Patience..... 

Good thing this gal came home. I'm getting daily horse time again. 

-K