The judge was pissed. More than pissed. The judge was cursing and yelling in court Monday. A person that has been told is not allowed Bug at all was near her last week and the week before. I told the judge. That same person was in the waiting area of the court house. I told the judge this too. I spoke of the immediate regression of behaviors. The sexualized stuff. The self harming. The verbal and physical aggression. The frequent outbursts. Every single maladaptive behavior we had under control were now ten times worse. The judge flipped. She yelled at mom. She yelled at Dcs. She said if severance were asked she would have granted it. Instead, she granted the change to a concurrent plan. 90 more days for this child to be put through hell.
Initially, I was supporting the mom the best I could. Through journal entries and positive encouragement. After I found out that man was near Bug, I stopped. My stomach hurts. Literally hurts. She has made her choice. The judge put a restraining order on him and told her he has to go. She never flinched. Never cried. Never emotionally responded. In fact, she smirked at one point. My professionalism is quickly disappearing and I don't have my licensing worker to lean on. I have a stand in...
So here I sit. The parent child relationship therapy has begun with Bug. I walked her in and she saw mom. She dug her fingernails into my chest and started crying. Then she took her from me when her name was called by the therapist. She screamed and cried. I blew her a kiss and quickly walked out. Two more times. We have to do this two more times. My heart is absolutely broken. So I sit here and cry. Not because I'm weak but because I have been far too strong for far too long.
-K
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