Bio M brought someone, who is her cousin in laws mother, who wants to adopt Bug. My eyes welled with tears and I bit my lip and dug my fingernails into my palm to prevent the tears from flowing.
Visits were not suspended due to the therapist not finishing her paperwork. We all know the results of the pcra but because she didn't finish her paperwork, Bug will suffer. A hearing to cancel visits is 4 days after the trial.... Does that make sense?
On the way to court, 145, I got a call to come and get her. She was screaming so loud I could hear her and the administrator was two rooms away. My heart absolutely broke. I had to be in court. The administrator rocked her until I got done and to them at 330. I am in debt to them. She was dropped off from visit at 130. The judge way told this. Still. Visits continue.
For obvious reasons,bi bolted the second the judge ended the hearing. The second I made it out of the building, the tears just came and wouldn't stop. A few friends asked how it went and I relayed. Some didn't understand which made it harder for me to explain.
My heart hurts. For so many reasons. Because I wasn't strong enough to be the foster parent I hoped I could be. Because I cannot lose her. Because the unknown which could be a reality is more terrifying than what my nightmares have ever dreamed up. I may return home without my child who formed attachments with my father, brother and sister. How do you even explain this to family....
What did I get myself into.
-K
My heart goes out to you, I was in tears reading your post. I was in your shoes just 5 months ago. I couldn't lose my kids to an uncle that showed up out of the blue and bio parents couldn't get on the right track. I am praying for you, being a foster mom is the hardest thing I have ever done but it has also been the most rewarding.
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