The greatest love story that was ever told...

I was only able to stay home for about a week and had to return to work. When I landed, E surprised me in the airport. I was overcome with emotions and he was the person I needed. I talked to him about moving home. Needing my family. This quickly turned into an argument and he left. The next few months were like this. We argued often. He had no idea how much I loved him. He told me he didnt want a relationship and I kept pouring my heart into him. It quickly became evident I was the "side chick". I became very resentful.

I needed to once again change my life. I refocused myself. Reminded myself of my dreams and began foster classes. E was in and out of my life until the day baby M came to stay with me. He will text here and there but it always ends in a request for me to come over and me telling him no.

My best friend hates him. When I said something was different about E, something big happened. He made a very poor choice when he was 19 and this landed him in prison for two years. He is forever changed. He was transporting people illegally across the border and my best friend's husband is border patrol. Not a great combo. E's choices prevent me from being with him. He smokes marijuana. I cannot be part of that. I will lose everything I have worked so hard at getting. Although I say he has changed, he still has some of the qualities that I fell in love with. His heart is bigger than anyone I know when he lets it shine. His smile melts my heart. The sound of his voice makes my heart skip a beat. His eyes still pierce my soul. He is loving and caring. He is empathetic and funny. I adore his laugh. He is smart. He is genuine. He doesn't love me like I love him.

I cant help but think we could have been the greatest love story ever told. I'm told this by some friends as well. Why did we make that commitment when we were kids? 30 and we would get married.... Why did he find me just after I turned 30? Why is he so jaded and hurt? Why do I love him so much? My heart aches so much for him some days.

I am happy. I am loving parenting. I miss him. I need to move forward. But how? What if I find someone new but still fall asleep to the thought of him.

-K