Mason had a rough week. I had to take him back to the shelter to see the vet. Something I didn't want to do or expose him to. I cancelled my afternoon appointments and drove him in on a Friday afternoon. On the way, I received the call, stating they forgot to open my bed. Six minutes later I got another call. A newborn baby exposed to meth needed a place to stay while mom got clean. I was over the moon. I cannot even begin to describe how many emotions I was feeling. I rushed through the vet visit with Mason, and hurried home. (He just needed a change in meds.) I anxiously waited for the DCS worker to call. Hour after hour. I then realized I needed minimal things. I had prepared for children from birth to three but decided not to get everything until I knew the age. I packed the diaper bag, checked the car seat ten times, and headed out.
I got everything I needed, I thought, and still waited for the call. So I decided it would be helpful if I was already at the hospital when DCS called. I know how busy they are. So I sat in the parking lot. I called my licensing agency and she said they still needed me and to sit tight and wait for their call. I stayed in the parking lot until 10 pm. I drove the long 40 minutes home, without the baby, not knowing how to feel. My licensing agency reports that happens all the time. I really wish someone would have told me that. I stayed up until exhaustion hit and tried to remain hopeful. I sat by my phone the entire weekend. Nothing. No call. No news. My bed was reopened. I didn't expect this. I had no idea these type of things happen. So for the next few days I waited for the next call.
February 10th, I was woken at 4 am by a familiar sound. The sound of a little puppy mouth jittery, frothing, and a body convulsing. The blood left my body. Mason was having a seizure. I got down next to him and stroked his head until it stopped. I had already been warned that if he starts seizing, the valley fever would have made it to his brain and nothing more could be done. After what seemed like eternity, the seizure stopped. I scooped the fearful pup up and held onto him, knowing this would be one of the last few times he would feel my love. He started right into another seizure and another, and 6 more before I even reached the vet. He wasn't even coming fully out of the seizures before the next would start. I was crying and begging god to just take him. Don't let him suffer in the end like this. The vets worked hard at pulling him out but nothing was working. He had close to 15 seizures from 4 am to 5 am. I had to make the decision to end his suffering. They said he wouldn't know me and don't be shocked by his state. When I walked back, his legs were still seizing but he was focused on my face. I said, "I love you Mason Lason" and he looked me in the eyes. I broke at that point. I massaged his head until the end. My little foster pup who knew nothing but neglect for the first 18 months of his life, knew love for the last 10 days.
I left the vets and went home and took a long run to clear my head. I still had to somehow teach that day and have an afternoon full of therapy appointments. I made it through the day somehow. Exhausted and with a headache but I made it through. That evening, I went for another run and put in 5 more miles. I was exhausted but couldn't sleep. I was finally finally asleep when a received another call. An 18 month old little girl needed placement.
Baby M came into my home very late that night. We didn't get to bed until close to 1 am. She came to me filthy, clothes too small, bruises on her legs, the start of a cold, scratches on her arms, a diaper rash form hell and scared. Baby M slept in my arms that night in the rocker. The next day and actually few days have been great. She's loving and sweet and full of 2 year old sass!! Bed time went from absolutely horrible and heartbreaking to a very special routine in a matter of days. She holds onto a picture of her mamma and we read a story and say goodnight. I cannot complain, she sleeps 14 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. She's a picky eater, but were working on that. I am truly blessed!
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