A few days ago I woke up with a scratchy throat and attempted to talk myself out of a run. I ended up getting up and running but it was a hard two miles. Later in the day I started running down. My throat hurt, my face hurt, my body hurt, everything hurt, then my eye started hurting. I went and picked up Bug from school and came home. I crashed as soon as I could. I tried so hard to sleep but instead I tossed and turned the whole night. When i did fall asleep, I woke up with my eye swollen shut, a fever, a horrible headache, and body aches from heck. I took Buggy into preschool and headed to urgent care. The white splotches in my throat were a tell tale sign of what was going on. Three hours later with three people in urgent care I was diagnosed. Strep throat, pink eye, a virus, and allergies. Weeee!!!!! It took two hours to get the medications. Lets just say when you tell a pharmacist you are waiting in the parking lot, they do not feel the need to tell you they are out of your meds until you go back in an hour later.
Not.a.happy.camper. I got home and slept the rest of the day until it was time to get Bug from daycare. She saw her mom. For the first time in two weeks. Two week of missed visits. She saw her mom. Enough said. You know how our evening went. Because I am quitting my therapy job, I really cannot be missing work. I made it in on Saturday and worked a full 9 hours. I was feeling a little better but just tired. I really had no business going in but whose going to stop me.
I woke up sicker then before and more worn down then before today. I am tired and I hurt and I dont feel so good. My heard hurts and I'm dizzy and so congested. I just want to sleep. Buggy started off the day pretty good. We had a few errands to run. I bought a treadmill. No more excuses. We bought a tree to plant (starting a mothers day tradition), and we had to go to the grocery store said my bare fridge. She did really good until the grocery store. She had quite a few breakdowns. Every single little thing was making her cry. By the end of our trip, I was losing my patience. We quickly hurried out of there and got home where she continued to lose it every few minutes. I got some lunch in her and put her down for a nap. I decided I was going to take some NyQuil and nap too. Big mistake!!! She ALWAYSSSS sleeps for at least two hours. I just needed a nap. I dropped something right after she fell asleep. Right after I swallowed the NyQuil, I dropped a pan and woke her up. Game on ladies and gentlemen.
She has been an absolute mess the rest of the day. A few times every hour, sitting down wherever we were with whatever we were doing and losing it. She also started something new. Spitting. She now spits when shes mad. Yuckie. Ive tried everything. She doesnt like life today. She could be getting sick. No fever and also, she never acts like this when she is sick. I have checked her throat just in case, no white pockets. Shes just having a rough day. Come 530, her little eyes were droopy. I slid her into the bath. Scrubbed and fluffed her up and tucked her into bed. Come 615, she was bouncing up and down and yelling "done."
I tried laying her back down a few times but she has better ideas.
The reason I sat down to write this entry is because I feel like a total failure today. I feel like the worst mom ever. I have had little patience. I have snapped at her once or twice today. It's mother's day. Its suppose to be a great day, right? I'm supposed to get pampered, right? I'm miserable. I'm grumpy. I have a grumpy baby bouncing on me. I want to go to sleep. But I want to be a good mom. I do not want to repeat the cycle. Perhaps I have set expectations way too high for myself. Perhaps I have done the best I could have done today under the circumstances and we all just need rest.
Happy Mother's Day to all of those moms who no matter what dot he best they can do in the moment.
-K
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