My dad had a heart attack last year and she was by his side day in and day out. She really pulled it together and earned a pair of angel wings. Without her and my big brother, my father would be dead. Since his recovery, she has really become more age appropriate. She's drinking at times. Hanging out with her boyfriend all the time. Getting out of responsibilities. Putting friends before family. Having fun. Kicking up her heals. And ignoring her horses.
Last December we had made plans for me to come to New York abound the 4th. I wanted a country celebration for independence day. Something I haven't had for a very long time. We started making plans and continued over the next 7-8 months.
The time finally came for me to come home. She has been working every day till 1-2 but doesn't come over till around 3. Her horse pens are a total mess. I have spent the week cleaning them and the foal barn out for my dad and brother. Her fillies have barely been touched. They are two months old and barely let you touch them. Her horses are muddy and manes tangeled. Our plans... What plans.
Today's the 4th. I waited around for her like planned. She didn't come until 1. The baby was down for a nap. She was loud and woke her. It's now around 8 and the baby is down for the night and she is at the races. My hearts a little broken but I keep asking myself. Is it possible to be angry with her for simply acting her age since she has never acted her age before.
I love her to pieces. I should have just gone out on my own with the baby. Instead I stayed home and scrubbed my dad's old farm buddy and swang on the porch swing with my dad for a few hours.
Tommorows the day. I will be okay. I'm doing this for my dad. The anxiety will subside and I will go on with my life knowing that I tried for him.
K
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