Permanency Hearing

The day is here. I'm sitting in the parking lot. Court starts in 20 minutes. The dcs cm said everyone wants to change the case plan to severance and adoption. He requested a concurrent plan. The what ifs are circling my head. And that list of what ifs is huge. I've worked this field long enough to know what a hearing can do. 

I'm so torn. I want her mom to have a fair opportunity to gain custody of bug. I feel with her mental illness and substance use she hadn't been given a fighting chance. She hasn't been given the tools. She made a pretty poor choice last week that resulted in a significant regression in behaviors with bug. This decision has helped me somewhat think, she just can't do it. She is self sabotaging. 

In my morning staffing with my supervisor I let her know I would be unavailable this afternoon. We briefed the case. She worked in the field too. She set me straight. She knows me well enough to know I walk in others shoes so for me to put my own needs in front of others, it requires Devine intervention. 

The chaplains led me in prayer. Not prayer for favorable outcomes for me but for the judge to make the right decision. I could never do her job. 

But I still sit here with tears streaming down my face. Because the what ifs are far too great. Please send a little prayer our way. 

K-